that was the temperature here today.
i'm melting, really.
anyone who knows me knows i HATE the heat. hate it. H-A-T-E. i know that the valley is hotter than most other places in california, but really? 104? supposedly next week it's supposed to cool off into the 80s. we'll see.
the drive home from work is horrendous. 6 lane highway jam packed, stop and go in 104 degrees w/ no air conditioning. i'm a sweaty pig when i get home. can't take two showers a day as californians are supposed to conserve water. we are in a drought. ugh.
couple that with the tension in this house and that's the recipe for boiling tempers.
i guess that's better than boiling bunnies. (fatal attraction?)
*sigh*
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
numb
i don't belong here. in california or in this house.
i don't belong with these people.
i don't belong in colorado.
i don't know where i belong anymore. i am basically trapped where i'm at. i have one option for changing it and it's an option i've tried several times. why am i scared to try it now?
mostly because i think i won't be successful and i will be a failure at it yet again.
i hate my life. and it is what it is because of choices i have made. no one is to blame but me.
why do i always believe that someone actually cares .. when in reality, no one does. when it comes down to the bottom line, i am by myself. period.
i'm so fucking tired. i'm 47 years old and have nothing. i'm blank. i'm numb. i'm nothing.
i wish i was on a small raft just floating ... on the water .. into oblivion.
i don't belong with these people.
i don't belong in colorado.
i don't know where i belong anymore. i am basically trapped where i'm at. i have one option for changing it and it's an option i've tried several times. why am i scared to try it now?
mostly because i think i won't be successful and i will be a failure at it yet again.
i hate my life. and it is what it is because of choices i have made. no one is to blame but me.
why do i always believe that someone actually cares .. when in reality, no one does. when it comes down to the bottom line, i am by myself. period.
i'm so fucking tired. i'm 47 years old and have nothing. i'm blank. i'm numb. i'm nothing.
i wish i was on a small raft just floating ... on the water .. into oblivion.
Monday, August 24, 2009
settling in
still trying to get into the swing of things here in california. it's kind of strange at time. there are moments that i find myself thinking that i need to run over to PetSmart or something and i realize that i'm not in kansas anymore (denver). i'm a very long way from home and even if i wanted to get there ~ i'm not sure how i could.
life in this house is chaotic at best. there are good days but most days are drama filled. i know part of it is my adjustment from living alone the last 25 years and having to adjust to "roommates" but man, these guys are something else. it's bi-polar-ish. one day things are ok and the next people are acting crazy. the disrespect of one another astounds me. especially the 18 year old. he's as entitled as my son is. he doesn't break the law (that i know of) but he is as bad ~ or worse. the other one barely talks to me and when he does, it's a criticism of some kind. and the man of the house. *sigh*
work is going ok. i've been busy working on a few different projects. i have no idea what the status of the job is. if it's long term or not. i wish i had a better idea of what is going to happen. i really want to move and i have decided that when i do move, it's going to be to Long Beach. it's so beautiful there and right on the ocean. yea i realize that when *the big one* happens i'll end up in the sea but maybe that's my destiny.
sienna had a bad day today. when i got home from work she went out to potty and ate something off the dirt. i realize immediately that she picked up something right on top of a california fire ant hill. she immediately started coughing and rubbing at her nose. i think that she ate some of them and also probably got bit by a few on her nose / muzzle. i have been watching her closely because for a bit she seemed to be having some kind of reaction but she seems ok now.
this whole thing still just astounds me. i can't believe i'm not at *my* home with *my* things in *my own* space. i don't know that i will ever again find a place where i truly feel like i belong. i know it's not in this house. i know my roommates would be more than happy to be rid of me.
i also got bit by a spider in the night on my bicep. it is swollen and bruised.
someone get me outta here.
life in this house is chaotic at best. there are good days but most days are drama filled. i know part of it is my adjustment from living alone the last 25 years and having to adjust to "roommates" but man, these guys are something else. it's bi-polar-ish. one day things are ok and the next people are acting crazy. the disrespect of one another astounds me. especially the 18 year old. he's as entitled as my son is. he doesn't break the law (that i know of) but he is as bad ~ or worse. the other one barely talks to me and when he does, it's a criticism of some kind. and the man of the house. *sigh*
work is going ok. i've been busy working on a few different projects. i have no idea what the status of the job is. if it's long term or not. i wish i had a better idea of what is going to happen. i really want to move and i have decided that when i do move, it's going to be to Long Beach. it's so beautiful there and right on the ocean. yea i realize that when *the big one* happens i'll end up in the sea but maybe that's my destiny.
sienna had a bad day today. when i got home from work she went out to potty and ate something off the dirt. i realize immediately that she picked up something right on top of a california fire ant hill. she immediately started coughing and rubbing at her nose. i think that she ate some of them and also probably got bit by a few on her nose / muzzle. i have been watching her closely because for a bit she seemed to be having some kind of reaction but she seems ok now.
this whole thing still just astounds me. i can't believe i'm not at *my* home with *my* things in *my own* space. i don't know that i will ever again find a place where i truly feel like i belong. i know it's not in this house. i know my roommates would be more than happy to be rid of me.
i also got bit by a spider in the night on my bicep. it is swollen and bruised.
someone get me outta here.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
bla
i am sick.
my boss was out sick wed, thurs and friday. her doctor told her that she probably had the flue / strep.
when i got up friday morning my throat was kind of sore. as the day went on i was feeling worse and worse. i had previously scheduled a doctor appointment with a new doctor (whom i didn't like at all but that's another post) so when i went in to get a cortisone shot in my hand for trigger finger, i also told her i was sick. she listened to my lungs and said "yep." so she prescribed me a medication to take for 7 days. she said that i maybe had the swine flu and i was like .. um no. no i don't.
in her office my temp was 103. it's running about 100 now. i feel like crap. and my chest burns so much when i cough. i cannot afford to be sick as i don't get paid if i don't work. ugh.
lots of rest for me this weekend. *sniffle sniffle*
my boss was out sick wed, thurs and friday. her doctor told her that she probably had the flue / strep.
when i got up friday morning my throat was kind of sore. as the day went on i was feeling worse and worse. i had previously scheduled a doctor appointment with a new doctor (whom i didn't like at all but that's another post) so when i went in to get a cortisone shot in my hand for trigger finger, i also told her i was sick. she listened to my lungs and said "yep." so she prescribed me a medication to take for 7 days. she said that i maybe had the swine flu and i was like .. um no. no i don't.
in her office my temp was 103. it's running about 100 now. i feel like crap. and my chest burns so much when i cough. i cannot afford to be sick as i don't get paid if i don't work. ugh.
lots of rest for me this weekend. *sniffle sniffle*
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
...
click on the picture for a LARGE view
a dog's life.
a beach near malibu
joy! happy doggy!
after playing on the beach, i'm hungry! i'm being patient ...
we are at In N Out!!
a dog's life.
a beach near malibu
joy! happy doggy!
after playing on the beach, i'm hungry! i'm being patient ...
we are at In N Out!!
...
the biggest reason i came here
here it is.
*sigh*
the santa monica pier
george jetson uses this gas station on Robertson
and some more ...
hooray for HOLLYWOOD!
yes, please. i would like this house.
some famous comedy club (can't remember the name)
the whiskey a go go. famous people play here.
the roxy. famous people play here too.
zip code 90210. i'm looking for donna martin. have you seen her?
i'm also looking for the fresh prince.
more pics
right past the Arizona / Nevada border. why yes. a casino!
entering Vegas ~ the Stratosphere!
the Rio. i stayed here once on a business trip. there is a club on the top with a patio that has just a railing. i kept thinking the drunk people were going to fall off.
a really, really, really BIG hill entering into california. i didn't think my 4 cyl car would make it.
omg!! i made it!!
on a highway that i don't remember on the way to john's house. it's really pretty!
picture time
here are some pics of the trip out here:
sienna in the back seat. we are on our way!
the rocky mountains from the west side
devil's something in utah. i can't remember.
i do know it belonged to the devil; however, because it was hot hot hot!!
sienna on the bed trying to recover from being in 110 degree heat.
poor sienna! :(
leaving st. george, utah.
sienna in the back seat. we are on our way!
the rocky mountains from the west side
devil's something in utah. i can't remember.
i do know it belonged to the devil; however, because it was hot hot hot!!
sienna on the bed trying to recover from being in 110 degree heat.
poor sienna! :(
leaving st. george, utah.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
dogs are as smart as toddlers
i love this article.
dogs really are brilliant creatures and i love them.
i love my sienna so much. and i'd love to have a doberman someday. and i will.
"He found the top dogs, in order of their doggy IQ are:
1. Border collies
2. Poodles
3. German shepherds
4. Golden retrievers
5. Dobermans
6. Shetland sheepdogs
7. Labrador retrievers
At the bottom of the intelligence barrel, Coren would include many of the hounds, such as the bassett hound and the Afghan hound, along with the bulldog, beagle and basenji (a hunting dog)."
dogs really are brilliant creatures and i love them.
i love my sienna so much. and i'd love to have a doberman someday. and i will.
"He found the top dogs, in order of their doggy IQ are:
1. Border collies
2. Poodles
3. German shepherds
4. Golden retrievers
5. Dobermans
6. Shetland sheepdogs
7. Labrador retrievers
At the bottom of the intelligence barrel, Coren would include many of the hounds, such as the bassett hound and the Afghan hound, along with the bulldog, beagle and basenji (a hunting dog)."
Friday, August 7, 2009
sight seeing list
the ocean (check)
the hollywood sign
the viper room (check)
Kat Von D's tattoo shop
Walk of Stars
Grumman's Chinese Theatre
Kodak Theatre
Robertson Drive
someone famous
Britney Spear's house (or i should say driveway cuz you can't see their houses from the street)
added 08.09.09
Jennifer Anniston's house (driveway)
the ivy
rodeo drive
catalina island
steel panther @ the key club
phil collen's house
the hollywood sign
the viper room (check)
Kat Von D's tattoo shop
Walk of Stars
Grumman's Chinese Theatre
Kodak Theatre
Robertson Drive
someone famous
Britney Spear's house (or i should say driveway cuz you can't see their houses from the street)
added 08.09.09
Jennifer Anniston's house (driveway)
the ivy
rodeo drive
catalina island
steel panther @ the key club
phil collen's house
at last
it's amazing how the internet and cable has improved my mood. i guess they are luxury things but when you are in a home without any access to news, friends, family, the world ~ it sucks.
john is gone 5 1/2 days a week coupled with the fact that i don't know my way around anywhere leaves me stranded at home. i'm thankful for my job which gets me out of the house. i have made a few new friends ~ girls who have worked at this company 16 and 25 years respectively. they are best friends. but i long to get OUT and see things. i am going to start a list of sites that i want to see and i will add to it. then i will check off what i have seen and work my way through.
now that i have internet access again i can mapquest some things and venture out. but i without the mountains i have no sense of direction. yes, there are mountains here. however, living in the valley they are on more than one horizon ~ so i don't know where west is!! when someone gives me directions and they say go north on santa fe street, i don't know which way is north! tell me turn right or left!
california drivers are very rude and psycho. people weren't kidding when they said that you take your life in your hands every day when driving on the highways. even side streets. people are aggressive, rude and dangerous. i like driving but trying to navigate on 6 lane highways leaves much to be desired.
there have also been three earthquakes since i've been here but none near enough that i've felt anything. i hope this doesn't mean "the big one" is coming. i did predict that; however. such would be my luck. :)
i have a few things to do this weekend - clean, laundry and catch up on True Blood, The Closer, Raising the Bar and Whale Wars episodes. hope you have a good one too!
john is gone 5 1/2 days a week coupled with the fact that i don't know my way around anywhere leaves me stranded at home. i'm thankful for my job which gets me out of the house. i have made a few new friends ~ girls who have worked at this company 16 and 25 years respectively. they are best friends. but i long to get OUT and see things. i am going to start a list of sites that i want to see and i will add to it. then i will check off what i have seen and work my way through.
now that i have internet access again i can mapquest some things and venture out. but i without the mountains i have no sense of direction. yes, there are mountains here. however, living in the valley they are on more than one horizon ~ so i don't know where west is!! when someone gives me directions and they say go north on santa fe street, i don't know which way is north! tell me turn right or left!
california drivers are very rude and psycho. people weren't kidding when they said that you take your life in your hands every day when driving on the highways. even side streets. people are aggressive, rude and dangerous. i like driving but trying to navigate on 6 lane highways leaves much to be desired.
there have also been three earthquakes since i've been here but none near enough that i've felt anything. i hope this doesn't mean "the big one" is coming. i did predict that; however. such would be my luck. :)
i have a few things to do this weekend - clean, laundry and catch up on True Blood, The Closer, Raising the Bar and Whale Wars episodes. hope you have a good one too!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
really?
this is a bit off the topic, but Paula Abdul, really? rejecting a 30% raise which would easily make 8 figures? it's not enough? seriously?
ok, ok. you got bills to pay girl. i ain't mad at ya. but wow.
and for the record, if you have people like Katy Perry and Posh Spice as guest judges, i'm done. it's over. my 2 year love affair with American Idol is done. i'm not willing to sacrifice 3 hours a week for that nonsense. and that is exactly what it will be. nonsense.
ok, ok. you got bills to pay girl. i ain't mad at ya. but wow.
and for the record, if you have people like Katy Perry and Posh Spice as guest judges, i'm done. it's over. my 2 year love affair with American Idol is done. i'm not willing to sacrifice 3 hours a week for that nonsense. and that is exactly what it will be. nonsense.
Monday, August 3, 2009
happy monday, right?
geez is it really august already? yikes. where has this year gone?
crazy to think that i had been unemployed since the middle of february until two weeks ago. and the holidays are right around the corner.
glad the weekend is over. i get bored out of my mind sitting in my room at the house watching movies. at least this week i will have the computer and cable. that, at least, gives me more options of things to do until i get on my feet financially.
it's been very hot here. i'm not used to the humidity. i am trying to stay cool as best as i can. i know it affects sienna, too.
i took a bunch of pics of the house and my room this weekend and as soon as i get the internet (wednesday) i will be able to put them up. kind of gives an idea of where i live.
the fallout from the drama on thursday/friday continues. haven't spoken to john since last week. he worked all weekend (driving) and was home last night but i was already asleep. i know he leaves again tomorrow morning. i dread going home after work and if it wasn't for feeding sienna, i would stay somewhere late so i could avoid the harshness and being ignored. unfortunately, that is not an option. such is the end of hopes and dreams. good that i learned it soon, rather than later.
adam continues to call and beg me for money on his books. i'm just not doing it anymore. i am so tired of this endless circle. i got a strange phone call from someone last night who said that adam had a message for me that he went to the infirmary and needed me to put $80 on this books. yea, right. not going to happen. he has his parole hearing this week and i would imagine in a week or two (or when a bed is available) he'll be going to a halfway house. how did i not give my son the tools to grow up and be responsible? did i not set an example? i guess he chose his father's example instead.
crazy to think that i had been unemployed since the middle of february until two weeks ago. and the holidays are right around the corner.
glad the weekend is over. i get bored out of my mind sitting in my room at the house watching movies. at least this week i will have the computer and cable. that, at least, gives me more options of things to do until i get on my feet financially.
it's been very hot here. i'm not used to the humidity. i am trying to stay cool as best as i can. i know it affects sienna, too.
i took a bunch of pics of the house and my room this weekend and as soon as i get the internet (wednesday) i will be able to put them up. kind of gives an idea of where i live.
the fallout from the drama on thursday/friday continues. haven't spoken to john since last week. he worked all weekend (driving) and was home last night but i was already asleep. i know he leaves again tomorrow morning. i dread going home after work and if it wasn't for feeding sienna, i would stay somewhere late so i could avoid the harshness and being ignored. unfortunately, that is not an option. such is the end of hopes and dreams. good that i learned it soon, rather than later.
adam continues to call and beg me for money on his books. i'm just not doing it anymore. i am so tired of this endless circle. i got a strange phone call from someone last night who said that adam had a message for me that he went to the infirmary and needed me to put $80 on this books. yea, right. not going to happen. he has his parole hearing this week and i would imagine in a week or two (or when a bed is available) he'll be going to a halfway house. how did i not give my son the tools to grow up and be responsible? did i not set an example? i guess he chose his father's example instead.
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