numb

i don't belong here. in california or in this house.

i don't belong with these people.

i don't belong in colorado.

i don't know where i belong anymore. i am basically trapped where i'm at. i have one option for changing it and it's an option i've tried several times. why am i scared to try it now?

mostly because i think i won't be successful and i will be a failure at it yet again.

i hate my life. and it is what it is because of choices i have made. no one is to blame but me.

why do i always believe that someone actually cares .. when in reality, no one does. when it comes down to the bottom line, i am by myself. period.

i'm so fucking tired. i'm 47 years old and have nothing. i'm blank. i'm numb. i'm nothing.

i wish i was on a small raft just floating ... on the water .. into oblivion.