updated

my vet called me friday early evening to let me know that he had gone ahead and opened Sienna up.  he wanted to let me know that i had made the right decision .. her pancreas was completely calcified and there was a large mass on it that was cancerous. 

he said she wouldn't have had that much longer to live and that this type of cancer was very uncommon.  he said i prevented her from any kind of suffering and that it was most definitely the humane thing to do for her.

that doesn't make it easier.  well, maybe a little.

i dream about her.  the other night i dreamed she was sleeping next to me and i was running my fingers through her soft fur.  i woke up and i was rubbing the pillow next to me.  i hope she knows how much i miss her.  i hope she knows how much she was loved.

i hope she knows that she will always live on in my heart.