is it really 2011?

so here we are. 

2010 just disappeared, didn't it?  i still can't get over how fast the year went.  i, for one, am glad it's past and we are looking forward.

i have a lot happening the first part of this year.  i was scheduled to begin 6 weeks of classes for bariatric surgery on Jan 18.  i don't think i can do it now, however.  i just can't afford it.  my rent went up $100 per month and i have a stupid car payment for a 1996 Saturn that's worth $700 but which I am paying $9,000 for.  i am also being hounded by collection people for the medical bills from my hysterectomy which i couldn't pay in 2009 because i was unemployed. 

the good news is i finally quit smoking and this is my LAST quit.  i don't want to smoke anymore and i am proud of that.  and in quitting, i've also lost weight ... so i've dropped 20 lbs in about 4 months.  i wasn't even really trying ... just changed eating habits.  SO, i think that if i continue on the path that i'm currently walking, and add exercise, i can lose this weight myself.  it will take longer, but i know it's a healthier way to do it. 

i am still loving my job.  i mean i love it.  i look forward to going to work every day.  my boss is awesome (most days) and i am so happy to be doing something to be helping kids.  it's not a lot of money and i struggle, but it's worth it.  sometimes i think of looking for another job that pays more, but i would be giving up contentment and satisfaction. 

my son is doing okay.  still can't find a job but he's been with his girlfriend for almost a year now.  he's very attached to her 3 boys.   he also gets to see my grandson on a consistent basis and they are developing a wonderful relationship.  he's made positive changes about his life.  he just needs to work on the job thing.  right now he's taking on the role of Mr. Mom.  it's okay.  it works for them right now.

i will be more consistent in posting as i need an outlet. 

jobs

i am in the process of looking for a job. i still have my temp job but i'm coming up on my three months and i just don't know what is to come. i need something more stable that has decent benefits. i know unemployment out here is high ~ but i am just plugging away hoping that the right thing falls in line for me.

another "house meeting" today ::rolls eyes:: i swear these guys are worse than women. since i don't ovulate anymore i think they've all taken over the trait.

i continue to keep my feelings and emotions in check where john is concerned. there have been several instances that i want to react to something but i work on not doing that. it's tough but necessary.

i found out that i can not qualify for the lap band surgery financially. i didn't get approved for the financing they offer and i don't have the money to do it. my insurance doesn't even cover lab work so that's not an option. i'm frustrated because i feel like i don't have any time. they would accept a co-signer but i don't have anyone to do that either. i am at a standstill with that issue and feel very depressed.

the weather has finally gotten cooler and it's actually beautiful out these days. in the 70s. i read the news tonight and see it's supposed to snow in colorado tomorrow. i am homesick. i wish i could go home. except i don't have a home there.

i don't have a home here either, now that i think about it.

Aquarius
You are hopeful today that your current financial condition will improve soon. Your extra efforts at work won't likely go unnoticed now, although you could get frustrated because it will probably take some time yet to be acknowledged. Don't worry about the immediate response from your associates or your boss. Focus on quietly meeting your obligations and have faith that things will turn around.

exactly! good words for today. i'm anxious about my "temp" job and hoping that it turns into something permanent. i've been there almost 3 months now and i am fearful almost every day that i will be told my assignment is done. i like the job, but wish i was doing more. i know that if i was permanent i WOULD be doing more.

things have quieted down at the house. mostly because if have put aside my feelings and emotions and am trying to remain focused on the goal. i have things i need to take care of and i wouldn't be able to meet those obligations if i were trying to pay rent.

i also am looking into having the lap band surgery. i have no idea where i'd come up with the money for that, but it's almost at a *have to* state. my health is declining and if i don't do something i will die.

and as much as that is a pleasant thought at times, i think i want to be skinny again first.