making sense

so many things make sense now that i am aware of the truth.

he's home today. i can't even look at him. i want to be anywhere but here. every conversation, every moment of action and behavior by him is crystal clear to me. my stomach is in knots. my heart is aching. my head is pounding. it's been 7 years since i went through this, but it's different now. then, he didn't leave me for someone else. this time, there is another woman; he just doesn't know that i know.

i want this pain to stop. and i swear on all that is in me, if i survive this, i will never, ever give my heart away again.

i wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up for i don't have the guts to do anything about it myself.

i have never felt more like a failure than i do at this point in my life. really, what is the point?