my vet called me friday early evening to let me know that he had gone ahead and opened Sienna up. he wanted to let me know that i had made the right decision .. her pancreas was completely calcified and there was a large mass on it that was cancerous.
he said she wouldn't have had that much longer to live and that this type of cancer was very uncommon. he said i prevented her from any kind of suffering and that it was most definitely the humane thing to do for her.
that doesn't make it easier. well, maybe a little.
i dream about her. the other night i dreamed she was sleeping next to me and i was running my fingers through her soft fur. i woke up and i was rubbing the pillow next to me. i hope she knows how much i miss her. i hope she knows how much she was loved.
i hope she knows that she will always live on in my heart.
Showing posts with label sienna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sienna. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
goodbye, Sienna.
before thanksgiving, sienna was having trouble walking. she couldn't hold herself up or get up from laying down. this went on, where she would have good episodes and then bad ones. i ended up taking her to the vet yesterday because she was becoming more weak.
they weren't sure what was wrong with her. after x-rays and blood work, they thought maybe arthritis. but when i took her home, she couldn't get up at all. they had been checking her blood sugar and saw it was very very low. in the 35 - 40 range. normal for a dog is 80. they kept her last night and put her on an IV with glucose in it. this morning her blood sugar was still 38. they did an ultrasound to find that she has a large mass in her pancreas area. they believe (without doing a biopsy) that it's cancer because of the placement and size.
i have to go down to the vet today at 11:00 and have her put to sleep. i am destroyed.
she has been my constant companion for 11 years. she has been with me through everything i've endured the last few years. every day when i had my wound dressing changed she would lay on the bed with me and rest her chin on my arm as if to comfort and protect me. every time i cried she was right next to me.
i will write more when i can do so without tears streaming down my face.
sienna ~ when i called you the best. dog. ever. i meant it. you have been a complete joy to me, always. such a good girl. while you didn't always listen, you had your silly eyebrows and your cute face to make me smile. i love you so so much. i can't believe i won't snuggle in bed with you tonight getting doggy kisses on my face.
they weren't sure what was wrong with her. after x-rays and blood work, they thought maybe arthritis. but when i took her home, she couldn't get up at all. they had been checking her blood sugar and saw it was very very low. in the 35 - 40 range. normal for a dog is 80. they kept her last night and put her on an IV with glucose in it. this morning her blood sugar was still 38. they did an ultrasound to find that she has a large mass in her pancreas area. they believe (without doing a biopsy) that it's cancer because of the placement and size.
i have to go down to the vet today at 11:00 and have her put to sleep. i am destroyed.
she has been my constant companion for 11 years. she has been with me through everything i've endured the last few years. every day when i had my wound dressing changed she would lay on the bed with me and rest her chin on my arm as if to comfort and protect me. every time i cried she was right next to me.
i will write more when i can do so without tears streaming down my face.
sienna ~ when i called you the best. dog. ever. i meant it. you have been a complete joy to me, always. such a good girl. while you didn't always listen, you had your silly eyebrows and your cute face to make me smile. i love you so so much. i can't believe i won't snuggle in bed with you tonight getting doggy kisses on my face.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
Her bright eyes are intent. Her eager body quivers. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
If It Should Be
Author Unknown.
If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand;
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years -
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come, so let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend
And please stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve - it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years -
Don't let your heart hold back its tears
Sienna
10.18.98 - 12.11.09
Friday, November 27, 2009
good, bad & ugly
the last few days have been bearable. i think he's being nice, because he knows i'm leaving. he's no longer vested, so it's easier for him.
i drove sienna up to Tracy, CO (about 320 miles away) so she could ride back to Colorado with Tuesday and Paul. this is so i can fit everything in my car and not have to ship anything. it was a long trip. she has been walking funny, not being able to lift her back right leg. i called the vet last week and they told me to give her aspirin and ice the area. i had done that, but i think being cramped up in the car hurt her more, or caused her to really stiffen up because when we got to Tracy, she couldn't hardly walk. i was so scared. she had a rough time going back to CO. Tuesday, being the wonderful person she is, massaged and iced her leg. taking good care of her i hear that she is doing much much better today. i'm so thankful. i was so scared something was seriously wrong and i might lose her. i would be absolutely devastated.
wednesday, when i got home from driving (640 miles and 11 hours later), i was asked to help in the kitchen. that ended up being a good thing. we worked until about 10 wednesday night, and then started again at 7:00am yesterday. he is a great cook. i helped with the preparation of everything. from scratch we made:
cornbread dressing (cornbread from scratch, not a box)
sweet potato pie (pie crust from scratch, as well as filling)
pinto beans
mac & cheese (oven baked)
mashed potatos
gravy
we had turkey and pork roast. green beans and corn. i peeled so many potatoes! the whole experience was good, i learned a lot about cooking, too. we had a good day together and i'm glad that my last few days here are going okay instead of all the tension.
i met his mother's best friend and her daughter and family last night when they came over. it was bittersweet because i've heard about them all so many times over the years. to meet them 5 days before i leave made me sad. she told me she's heard so much about me and gave me a huge hug. i'm sad to not get to know this woman better. she and john are very close.
i also found an apartment today. i'm very grateful to Tuesday for her help with that. it is a huge relief to know i have a place to go when i get back to CO next week. it's a nice little one bedroom and i got a good deal on it. i will be doing the paperwork this weekend
now, all i have to worry about is my car getting me 1,200 miles. it is still not running right and the guy refuses to listen to me that there is a problem. i was screwed out of $800 and it pisses me off. if i break down on the way back, well, i can't even say what will happen.
i will finish packing this weekend and plan to head out on Tuesday morning.
i drove sienna up to Tracy, CO (about 320 miles away) so she could ride back to Colorado with Tuesday and Paul. this is so i can fit everything in my car and not have to ship anything. it was a long trip. she has been walking funny, not being able to lift her back right leg. i called the vet last week and they told me to give her aspirin and ice the area. i had done that, but i think being cramped up in the car hurt her more, or caused her to really stiffen up because when we got to Tracy, she couldn't hardly walk. i was so scared. she had a rough time going back to CO. Tuesday, being the wonderful person she is, massaged and iced her leg. taking good care of her i hear that she is doing much much better today. i'm so thankful. i was so scared something was seriously wrong and i might lose her. i would be absolutely devastated.
wednesday, when i got home from driving (640 miles and 11 hours later), i was asked to help in the kitchen. that ended up being a good thing. we worked until about 10 wednesday night, and then started again at 7:00am yesterday. he is a great cook. i helped with the preparation of everything. from scratch we made:
cornbread dressing (cornbread from scratch, not a box)
sweet potato pie (pie crust from scratch, as well as filling)
pinto beans
mac & cheese (oven baked)
mashed potatos
gravy
we had turkey and pork roast. green beans and corn. i peeled so many potatoes! the whole experience was good, i learned a lot about cooking, too. we had a good day together and i'm glad that my last few days here are going okay instead of all the tension.
i met his mother's best friend and her daughter and family last night when they came over. it was bittersweet because i've heard about them all so many times over the years. to meet them 5 days before i leave made me sad. she told me she's heard so much about me and gave me a huge hug. i'm sad to not get to know this woman better. she and john are very close.
i also found an apartment today. i'm very grateful to Tuesday for her help with that. it is a huge relief to know i have a place to go when i get back to CO next week. it's a nice little one bedroom and i got a good deal on it. i will be doing the paperwork this weekend
now, all i have to worry about is my car getting me 1,200 miles. it is still not running right and the guy refuses to listen to me that there is a problem. i was screwed out of $800 and it pisses me off. if i break down on the way back, well, i can't even say what will happen.
i will finish packing this weekend and plan to head out on Tuesday morning.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
7 days and counting ..
Chinese Horoscope: Tuesday, November 24
It will be a day of great personal insights. Some of the best times of personal growth come during challenges. If you find yourself facing a difficult decision today, rejoice! You are being given a special opportunity to make a huge leap forward.
Aquarius
Your dreams can actually help to answer a lingering question today, but you'll need to take the time to explore their symbolism. Even if you cannot remember all the details, your subconscious puts you in touch with what's important now. Your current lesson has to do with how your unfettered imagination can help you create a better future. Remember, what exists in reality begins as a mere thought first.
so as the time is counting down, i'm having more thoughts and events happen to test me and my choices. i received a phone call today from my recruiter here in California about a permanent job and they really really wanted to interview me. ironic. i told her that i was leaving next week.
giving it some thought, even if i did get the job, i would still have to leave this house. and i don't really want to be in california alone. and i don't want to be that close to him. so right, or wrong, my decision has been made.
he and i have had some conversation around the entire situation. this changes nothing other than clarification and closure for me. i think he believes that we will continue the friendship after i leave. i know, however; that will not be happening.
it's all bittersweet.
tomorrow i take Sienna up to Tuesday and Paul (in Tracy, CA) and Sienna will ride home with them. she is not feeling good. she fell off the bed the other day onto the hardwood floor. i think she bruised her tail bone. she's walking slowly and appears to be in some discomfort. my vet told me to give her 2 aspirin a day and ice the area. going to do that now.
it will be extremely hard to leave her. she is my only comfort here now. i will miss her so much.
Monday, August 24, 2009
settling in
still trying to get into the swing of things here in california. it's kind of strange at time. there are moments that i find myself thinking that i need to run over to PetSmart or something and i realize that i'm not in kansas anymore (denver). i'm a very long way from home and even if i wanted to get there ~ i'm not sure how i could.
life in this house is chaotic at best. there are good days but most days are drama filled. i know part of it is my adjustment from living alone the last 25 years and having to adjust to "roommates" but man, these guys are something else. it's bi-polar-ish. one day things are ok and the next people are acting crazy. the disrespect of one another astounds me. especially the 18 year old. he's as entitled as my son is. he doesn't break the law (that i know of) but he is as bad ~ or worse. the other one barely talks to me and when he does, it's a criticism of some kind. and the man of the house. *sigh*
work is going ok. i've been busy working on a few different projects. i have no idea what the status of the job is. if it's long term or not. i wish i had a better idea of what is going to happen. i really want to move and i have decided that when i do move, it's going to be to Long Beach. it's so beautiful there and right on the ocean. yea i realize that when *the big one* happens i'll end up in the sea but maybe that's my destiny.
sienna had a bad day today. when i got home from work she went out to potty and ate something off the dirt. i realize immediately that she picked up something right on top of a california fire ant hill. she immediately started coughing and rubbing at her nose. i think that she ate some of them and also probably got bit by a few on her nose / muzzle. i have been watching her closely because for a bit she seemed to be having some kind of reaction but she seems ok now.
this whole thing still just astounds me. i can't believe i'm not at *my* home with *my* things in *my own* space. i don't know that i will ever again find a place where i truly feel like i belong. i know it's not in this house. i know my roommates would be more than happy to be rid of me.
i also got bit by a spider in the night on my bicep. it is swollen and bruised.
someone get me outta here.
life in this house is chaotic at best. there are good days but most days are drama filled. i know part of it is my adjustment from living alone the last 25 years and having to adjust to "roommates" but man, these guys are something else. it's bi-polar-ish. one day things are ok and the next people are acting crazy. the disrespect of one another astounds me. especially the 18 year old. he's as entitled as my son is. he doesn't break the law (that i know of) but he is as bad ~ or worse. the other one barely talks to me and when he does, it's a criticism of some kind. and the man of the house. *sigh*
work is going ok. i've been busy working on a few different projects. i have no idea what the status of the job is. if it's long term or not. i wish i had a better idea of what is going to happen. i really want to move and i have decided that when i do move, it's going to be to Long Beach. it's so beautiful there and right on the ocean. yea i realize that when *the big one* happens i'll end up in the sea but maybe that's my destiny.
sienna had a bad day today. when i got home from work she went out to potty and ate something off the dirt. i realize immediately that she picked up something right on top of a california fire ant hill. she immediately started coughing and rubbing at her nose. i think that she ate some of them and also probably got bit by a few on her nose / muzzle. i have been watching her closely because for a bit she seemed to be having some kind of reaction but she seems ok now.
this whole thing still just astounds me. i can't believe i'm not at *my* home with *my* things in *my own* space. i don't know that i will ever again find a place where i truly feel like i belong. i know it's not in this house. i know my roommates would be more than happy to be rid of me.
i also got bit by a spider in the night on my bicep. it is swollen and bruised.
someone get me outta here.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
...
click on the picture for a LARGE view
a dog's life.
a beach near malibu
joy! happy doggy!
after playing on the beach, i'm hungry! i'm being patient ...
we are at In N Out!!
a dog's life.
a beach near malibu
joy! happy doggy!
after playing on the beach, i'm hungry! i'm being patient ...
we are at In N Out!!
picture time
here are some pics of the trip out here:
sienna in the back seat. we are on our way!
the rocky mountains from the west side
devil's something in utah. i can't remember.
i do know it belonged to the devil; however, because it was hot hot hot!!
sienna on the bed trying to recover from being in 110 degree heat.
poor sienna! :(
leaving st. george, utah.
sienna in the back seat. we are on our way!
the rocky mountains from the west side
devil's something in utah. i can't remember.
i do know it belonged to the devil; however, because it was hot hot hot!!
sienna on the bed trying to recover from being in 110 degree heat.
poor sienna! :(
leaving st. george, utah.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
dogs are as smart as toddlers
i love this article.
dogs really are brilliant creatures and i love them.
i love my sienna so much. and i'd love to have a doberman someday. and i will.
"He found the top dogs, in order of their doggy IQ are:
1. Border collies
2. Poodles
3. German shepherds
4. Golden retrievers
5. Dobermans
6. Shetland sheepdogs
7. Labrador retrievers
At the bottom of the intelligence barrel, Coren would include many of the hounds, such as the bassett hound and the Afghan hound, along with the bulldog, beagle and basenji (a hunting dog)."
dogs really are brilliant creatures and i love them.
i love my sienna so much. and i'd love to have a doberman someday. and i will.
"He found the top dogs, in order of their doggy IQ are:
1. Border collies
2. Poodles
3. German shepherds
4. Golden retrievers
5. Dobermans
6. Shetland sheepdogs
7. Labrador retrievers
At the bottom of the intelligence barrel, Coren would include many of the hounds, such as the bassett hound and the Afghan hound, along with the bulldog, beagle and basenji (a hunting dog)."
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