Thursday, February 7, 2019

a miracle?

found this article this morning.

very exciting and hopeful news for those of us who suffer from debilitating depression and suicidal thoughts.  i've suffered from this since i was 16ish.  probably younger, truth be told.

there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about suicide.  i've made three attempts.  was found every time (which can really piss you off when you want the pain to stop).

after having my son, while i still thought about it every day, i couldn't do that to him.

after he started getting in trouble with the law, i thought about it more as i felt i somehow failed him (i still think that).

then when i had my beloved chocolate lab, Sienna, while i still thought about it, i couldn't imagine what would have happened to her if i wasn't around, so i couldn't do that to her.

now that i have my silly cat Myca, same thing.  he has so much love in his life from me, that i couldn't imagine what would happen to him.

but the fact remains that i am ALWAYS depressed, always want to die.  i've been on every anti-depressant made.  nothing has ever really worked.  when i go off my meds, it's a death sentence for me.  i can't get out of bed.  i care about nothing.  when i'm on meds, i can function on a daily basis, but i've never been truly happy.  i haven't ever had someone love me, or stick around.

it sounds like ketamine could be an answer (finally).  however, as fucking usual, the fucking pharmaceutical companies are greedy assholes and the treatment will be more expensive than the average person could ever afford.

and if you think about it ... generally speaking, super depressed people are not folks who excel in business, etc.  the majority of people because of their depression, are held back from being successful just because of what depression and severe anxiety do to you.  so the majority of people who would benefit from this treatment, will probably never get it.

so what is the fucking point?  so researchers and patent holders can get rich?  sure, they created the miracle drug.  but most insurance companies are not going to cover it so you're back to that scenario where your life-saving meds are tens of thousands of dollars a month/year.

who exactly does this save?

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