sore

i am sore all over from the fall out of the bed yesterday.

my wrist hurts. i have bruises all over my abdomen. my pinky toe is now black and blue down the side of my foot. i have scrapes/bruises on my knees. i wonder what i was thinking or doing in my dream that caused me to throw myself off the bed .. if i didn't feel like such crap, it would be funny. i can admit it.

things at the house are tentative at best. there is no consistency and anyone who knows me would is aware that nothing more causes me anxiety and stress than lack of it. the *deal* about him cooking and me cleaning has partially fallen by the wayside ~ the part about him cooking. that lasted about two weeks. i think because his work schedule is changing that he's slacking in anticipation. it's ok. i will get my first real check this weekend and i will buy stuff for sandwiches and put it in MY little fridge so i can have stuff for lunch. i do not want to go back to eating fast food three times a day.

other than that, driving to work this morning i was thinking wow. i'm in california. the highways are really pretty here as they are mostly tree lined. the drivers here are insane but i think i knew that's how it was going to be. am i completely happy and content? no. there is too much unsettled back in colorado that has me worried. there is also a lack of "belongingness" here for me but i suspect that will diminsh after a while.

i miss my friends though. very much.