not happening

so. here's the deal.

any idea that i had that john and i may eventually work things out as far as a relationship was shot to hell last night during a conversation that he and i had. in it he said, "you will never be my girlfriend ..." in reference to the fact that i can't take his "straight shooting." he may be honest, but his delivery sucks. and he offers continual unsolicited advice. if you don't take it and act on it in the way he thinks is best for you, he gets angry. he's always right about EVERYTHING. he doesn't look at a person's feelings, but bases his opinions on what he believes is truth ~ whether or not it really IS the truth.

it's frustrating. i feel as if i'm walking on egg shells all the time. i'm tired of hearing about how his son hates Sienna. i'm tired of hearing about all the bad parts of me. if i wanted that i would have stayed at my last job in colorado. i'm tired of hearing what i am doing wrong. i'm tired of hearing that most of what i think and feel is wrong.

this is partially my fault because i came out here with the wrong intentions. i was hoping that he and i could work towards something. my first mistake. but the thing is, and it's glaring, he can't accept me for who i am and the way i am. he's always trying to change something about me. and it's painful.

i realize that the price i have to pay for living at his house is too great. so now, once again, i find myself facing major decisions. do i stay in california? do i move back to colorado where job prospects are nil? do i consider moving to washington?

*sigh*