craziness

so the last few days have been spent going through boxes, sorting out clothes to go to storage, clothes i'm taking with me and clothes for the yard sale this weekend. i am exhausted. because most of my stuff is going into storage, i have to put everything in boxes. not like i can take a handful of clothes on hangers and throw them in the back seat.

as the days pass i'm filled with mixed emotions. i'm so sad to be leaving colorado and my son. i'm so sad to be leaving my grandson. i'm so sad to be leaving my friends Tuesday, Nicole, Agnes, Jamie, Carolyn, Mary Jo, Gloria and Kim. i love them all so very much.

by the same token, i'm so excited to be going to where i can go to the beach whenever i want. where i can see dolphins playing in the ocean. where i can spend time with my friend John ~ who is still the love of my life ~ but i am content with the closeness and friendship we share.

it is time for me to cut the apron strings and make my son stand on his own two feet. it's time he grows up and takes care of himself. it's a time that will make or break him. he will either do what he needs to do to be responsible and take care of his own life, or he will end up living a life in and out of prison. he has a lot to be working towards. his son, for starters. second, he has a nice girl in his life but i know (and he knows) if he fucks up she won't wait.

and it's me time. time for me to lose weight and get healthy. time for me to focus on ME. time for me to take care of me and do the things i've wanted to do. if 50 (three years away) is the new 30 .. i have a lot of time ahead of me to experience all that life has to offer.

everything is changing and i'm ready to get on that ride. it's been a long time coming.