so my son relapsed yesterday.
2 years and 80some days clean from meth.
and yesterday he decides it's a good thing that he drive 45 minutes, to a motel with two women, to smoke dope.
yes, he's on probation. yes, he does drug tests. no, he's not supposed to be driving.
he had at least an HOUR to stop himself before he got there. turn around. go home. call his sponsor. call me. call someone.
but nope.
he wants to stay it was a "slip" or a "mistake." no, it wasn't. it was an intentional act. you had time to plan it. drive there. execute it. that was a conscious choice.
he wants to say, "well i just wanted a reminder of what a horrible life that was." um, okay. the death of your wife from an OD in a piece of shit motel wasn't enough for you to realize that?
i told him the last time, and when he got out of treatment, that if he EVER smoked meth again, i was done with him. 20 fucking years of dealing with this shit. of my life being ruined. of every relationship i ever had ruined because of his addiction. kicked out of apartments because of his addiction. paid damages to apartments because of his addiction. lost a job because of his addiction. of gaining 170 lbs because of his addiction and the depression, the ongoing abuse and torment he put me through because of his addiction. having drug dealers with guns in my house threatening to kill ME if he didn't return money, drugs, etc. things he stole, because of his addiction. having my apartment robbed because of his addiction.
so, i'm done.
i told him today. taking him off my will. not to contact me ever again. that it was very obvious that i would NEVER be able to rely on him in my future. he will never fucking grow up, have a job, take care of a family, be responsible.
and then he points the finger at me (again). all his problems are my fault. i didn't do this or that for him in his life. he does drugs because of me. (not that his father is responsible for getting him high at the age of 12 the first time.) but it's all my fault.
i'm completely devastated at the choice i had to make today.
cut rope.
don't let him drag me down ever again.
have a good life son. hope you get your life together. too bad i will never be a part of it.
2 years and 80some days clean from meth.
and yesterday he decides it's a good thing that he drive 45 minutes, to a motel with two women, to smoke dope.
yes, he's on probation. yes, he does drug tests. no, he's not supposed to be driving.
he had at least an HOUR to stop himself before he got there. turn around. go home. call his sponsor. call me. call someone.
but nope.
he wants to stay it was a "slip" or a "mistake." no, it wasn't. it was an intentional act. you had time to plan it. drive there. execute it. that was a conscious choice.
he wants to say, "well i just wanted a reminder of what a horrible life that was." um, okay. the death of your wife from an OD in a piece of shit motel wasn't enough for you to realize that?
i told him the last time, and when he got out of treatment, that if he EVER smoked meth again, i was done with him. 20 fucking years of dealing with this shit. of my life being ruined. of every relationship i ever had ruined because of his addiction. kicked out of apartments because of his addiction. paid damages to apartments because of his addiction. lost a job because of his addiction. of gaining 170 lbs because of his addiction and the depression, the ongoing abuse and torment he put me through because of his addiction. having drug dealers with guns in my house threatening to kill ME if he didn't return money, drugs, etc. things he stole, because of his addiction. having my apartment robbed because of his addiction.
so, i'm done.
i told him today. taking him off my will. not to contact me ever again. that it was very obvious that i would NEVER be able to rely on him in my future. he will never fucking grow up, have a job, take care of a family, be responsible.
and then he points the finger at me (again). all his problems are my fault. i didn't do this or that for him in his life. he does drugs because of me. (not that his father is responsible for getting him high at the age of 12 the first time.) but it's all my fault.
i'm completely devastated at the choice i had to make today.
cut rope.
don't let him drag me down ever again.
have a good life son. hope you get your life together. too bad i will never be a part of it.
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