the holidays just don't mean the same to me anymore.
when my son was young, i decorated and we celebrated for the month of December. i always tried to make it as festive and happy as possible.
having spent the last 12+ years alone at the holidays, i basically dread it now. i tortured myself yesterday and watch about 5 Christmas movies. people happy. people in love. people loving the "magic" of Christmas.
i just don't find any magic about it anymore. i don't decorate. it's so much about commercialism and how much money you have to buy expensive gifts for people.
ugh. i have a throbbing headache. but here i am. at work. at 2:00pm on Christmas Eve with no where to go and no one who cares whether or not i'm alone.
it is almost as if it wouldn't matter at all if i weren't here anymore. i mean seriously. who would notice or give a fuck since they don't notice or give a fuck now.
no snow in sight, the sun is out. it sucks.
when my son was young, i decorated and we celebrated for the month of December. i always tried to make it as festive and happy as possible.
having spent the last 12+ years alone at the holidays, i basically dread it now. i tortured myself yesterday and watch about 5 Christmas movies. people happy. people in love. people loving the "magic" of Christmas.
i just don't find any magic about it anymore. i don't decorate. it's so much about commercialism and how much money you have to buy expensive gifts for people.
ugh. i have a throbbing headache. but here i am. at work. at 2:00pm on Christmas Eve with no where to go and no one who cares whether or not i'm alone.
it is almost as if it wouldn't matter at all if i weren't here anymore. i mean seriously. who would notice or give a fuck since they don't notice or give a fuck now.
no snow in sight, the sun is out. it sucks.
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