i have been listening to a station i created on Pandora seeded from the song Back on My Feet Again by The Babys. that particular song because back when i graduated from high school, i moved in with my fiance. one day i came home from work and found a "treasure hunt" of sorts with notes all over the apartment leading me to the stereo and was told to push "play" on the cassette tape (yes, cassette tape). it was that song.
listening to this station has brought me a flood of memories from that time in my life. the unfathomable heart break breaking up with my fiance, to finding love again with my soul mate, whom to this day still dominates my mind.
skeet.
a short time together during the summer of my 18th year, created a lifetime of thinking about him after our relationship ended later that year. i had never forgotten him. he had contacted me in 1992 or 1993 and we missed another opportunity to be together.
38 years of wondering. wondering if he still had my class ring i had given him. the story behind how i had to replace it because my mother was so pissed that i gave it away and how every time i look in my jewelry box, there sits the replacement and i would think of him.
i truly felt that a Higher Power had brought us back together. he discovered my name and birthday in an old address book he found while cleaning out boxes in the basement. two days before my birthday. he googled me, found my LinkedIn profile and in 2018 on my birthday, 25 years later, he called me at my work.
the second i heard his voice, time stopped for me. it was like being punched in the stomach, all my breath left me. for two months we talked constantly. there were two times that we talked for 16 hours straight. we talked about the past, what we had gone through, what we were going through, the future, our lives, everything. how are feelings were still so strong for one another. all i could think of was "what a love story we will be able to tell the rest of our lives." true love survived. i was the happiest i had been in my entire life. he had been married and she had passed away almost a year earlier. they had been married 21 years and were best friends and very much in love.
i had never found love after him. sure, i had relationships, but he never left my heart or my mind. none of those relationships lasted. nothing ever stuck.
i truly believed that this was my time. that all the bullshit i had ever been through, all the hurt, physical and mental abuse, lies, cheating, was going to be washed away because he was back in my life.
2 months of bliss. two months of my heart racing when i'd see his phone call come in. or a text message. we planned a meeting at a restaurant where he used to go while he was in town that summer working on a ranch. that was for August 13. reunited. spend a day together. trip to the mountains to watch the persied meteor shower that night. i couldn't wait to see him again.
and then on March 31, 2018, he said it was over.
i was gutted. destroyed. devastated.
he said he never led me on, that i was just projecting these wishes and dreams. that he was just being a friend. that it all meant nothing. not even when he whispered to me on one of the 16 hour calls "i like you soooo much." and the 16 hour marathons - that was just catching up. it all meant nothing, really. and he was just gone.
and i'm still not over him/it. 38 years of wondering, wishing, dreaming, hoping, daring to believe. gone. over. in 2 months.
The Flame. i hadn't heard it since the 80s, but it was my song about him. i cried every time i heard it. through those years. but it's been probably 20 years since i heard it.
i cried today too.
and then heard If You Needed Somebody by Bad Company. so i looked up the video. ironic thing is that's about how he looked when i met him. almost identical to that guy.
*sigh*
listening to this station has brought me a flood of memories from that time in my life. the unfathomable heart break breaking up with my fiance, to finding love again with my soul mate, whom to this day still dominates my mind.
skeet.
a short time together during the summer of my 18th year, created a lifetime of thinking about him after our relationship ended later that year. i had never forgotten him. he had contacted me in 1992 or 1993 and we missed another opportunity to be together.
38 years of wondering. wondering if he still had my class ring i had given him. the story behind how i had to replace it because my mother was so pissed that i gave it away and how every time i look in my jewelry box, there sits the replacement and i would think of him.
i truly felt that a Higher Power had brought us back together. he discovered my name and birthday in an old address book he found while cleaning out boxes in the basement. two days before my birthday. he googled me, found my LinkedIn profile and in 2018 on my birthday, 25 years later, he called me at my work.
the second i heard his voice, time stopped for me. it was like being punched in the stomach, all my breath left me. for two months we talked constantly. there were two times that we talked for 16 hours straight. we talked about the past, what we had gone through, what we were going through, the future, our lives, everything. how are feelings were still so strong for one another. all i could think of was "what a love story we will be able to tell the rest of our lives." true love survived. i was the happiest i had been in my entire life. he had been married and she had passed away almost a year earlier. they had been married 21 years and were best friends and very much in love.
i had never found love after him. sure, i had relationships, but he never left my heart or my mind. none of those relationships lasted. nothing ever stuck.
i truly believed that this was my time. that all the bullshit i had ever been through, all the hurt, physical and mental abuse, lies, cheating, was going to be washed away because he was back in my life.
2 months of bliss. two months of my heart racing when i'd see his phone call come in. or a text message. we planned a meeting at a restaurant where he used to go while he was in town that summer working on a ranch. that was for August 13. reunited. spend a day together. trip to the mountains to watch the persied meteor shower that night. i couldn't wait to see him again.
and then on March 31, 2018, he said it was over.
i was gutted. destroyed. devastated.
he said he never led me on, that i was just projecting these wishes and dreams. that he was just being a friend. that it all meant nothing. not even when he whispered to me on one of the 16 hour calls "i like you soooo much." and the 16 hour marathons - that was just catching up. it all meant nothing, really. and he was just gone.
and i'm still not over him/it. 38 years of wondering, wishing, dreaming, hoping, daring to believe. gone. over. in 2 months.
The Flame. i hadn't heard it since the 80s, but it was my song about him. i cried every time i heard it. through those years. but it's been probably 20 years since i heard it.
i cried today too.
and then heard If You Needed Somebody by Bad Company. so i looked up the video. ironic thing is that's about how he looked when i met him. almost identical to that guy.
*sigh*
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