i saw a quote today which really struck me ~

  If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.

 ~Lao Tzu

how true is this?  i can look back and equate the on going depression in my life to living in the past; wishing i had done things different, making different choices, being more aware of who i hurt and how my actions affected others, being more open and honest about how things affected me. not being so selfish at certain times, but more giving.  it's humbling to really take stock of things and own what's yours.  

i am trying very hard to find a calm place - a center, if you will - to be present now and not worrying about the future and not looking at the past.  i can't change anything that has happened - i can only make sure that i make good choices going forward.   i need to see things through the heart.   

i think peace is what we all want.  we want the ebb and flow of life to be calm and steady.  no one likes the stress, the pain, the anxiousness, the ups and downs.  we all want and need to be loved.  to have those loved ones around us and supporting us and in turn, supporting them when they need it.  it's a give and take - sharing of hearts.  

my focus is on getting my health back.  by continuing to value myself and take care of myself - instead of abusing myself with food.  first step is losing weight.  toning.  becoming healthy and active.  staying off the meds for diabetes because i am eating the right things.  

second, mending relationships where i can and becoming emotionally healthy.  spending time meditating, reflection, being still, listening and practicing being centered.   clearing the mind of unnecessary things and filling it with positive energy.  this can only bring about joy and happiness in myself and to others.  

it has taken me a very very long time to get to this place.  i've spent half my life in the negative.  it's time now to reach for the positive.  

it's time.