right ...

Aquarius
At first it seems like others are encouraging you, but when you actually begin to put your plan into motion, they withdraw and don't show up to help. You cannot effectively go chasing after the approval you want to have today, for it recedes faster the more you pursue it. The urgency is within your mind. Ease up; you have more time than you think.

crazy, i say. just crazy.

i like reading my horoscope at the end of the day to see how accurate (NOT!) it is. amazingly enough my chinese horoscope (i'm the ox) and my zodiac horoscope have been strangely on target. today has to do with asking for piano lessons, going through a lesson, being strongly encouraged and praised, to having that encouragement snatched away like a lion stealing dinner from a lesser animal.

why do i think when he's being nice, that it will last? how many times do i have to have my heart stomped on before i realize that he's simply a control freak and is nice when i'm submissive to him, but a complete ass when i try to stand up for myself? i KNOW this. yet i continue to let him play me like a grand piano. (pun intended)

i'm sick of the roller coaster. he would tell you it's me. the problem is me. i'm the one with mood swings. and that is partially true. he never wants to be accountable for the situations he gives me to deal with. he loves to claim innocence in all things; that he's just "keepin it real." yea, whatever.

his best friend looked up (stalked) a former girlfriend from 20 years ago. it's a negative situation as far as i'm concerned - his wife and her husband do not know that they have been getting together for lunch once a week. (for the record i think that is fucked up.) but all of the sudden he (my *roommate*) has been having ex girlfriends over for dinner and last night he went to spend the evening with yet another one. WTH? i mean, we should all have a bbq. him and all his ex girlfriends. it's insane. it's like they are going through some stupid mid-life crisis and looking to relive the past. of course all his ex girlfriends have "beautiful souls" .. except me that is. i guess i'm just fat hag nag. at least that's what i hear.

this whole adventure was supposed to be the beginning of a new life, right? happiness. joy. contentment. well what the hell happened? because i'm not having very much fun right now.